Only God Knows Why


The Anatomy of Hitting Your Elbow
July 24, 2010, 4:40 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Part 1. Pre-hitting stage You’re unaware you’re about to hit your elbow on anything.  You’re smiling, the birds are singing, the trees are…existing..  Everything is as it should be.  You might be thinking about your girlfriend or what you’re going to do on the weekend.   You might not be thinking about anything at all.  You’re in a stage of blissful ignorance. You have no idea of the fate that about to befall you.  How your world will never be quite the same.  You believe that the world is a beautiful place, full of happiness and light.  You idiot!

You’re so relaxed, you have your arms stretched out as you walk through that doorway.  Bam!  It’s too late..you’ve hit your elbow on something.

Part 2.  The second before it starts hurting. The worst part.  The anticipation.  You didn’t come down in the last shower.  You’re no two-bit nobody.  Oh no.  You’ve hit your elbow before.  You know what this means.  You know what’s about to happen.  You try desperately to somehow avoid what you’ve started. NOOOOOOOOOOOO! You might start pleading with God.  GOOD LORD, ANYTHING BUT THIS! You might scream.  But deep down, you know that it’s too late.  The damage has been done.  It’s about to be a rollercoaster ride of emotions, after which, you’ll never be the same.

Part 3.  The Bit Where it Goes all Cold. God! You think to yourself.  This is the worst thing ever.  It’s all cold and hurty.  Your arm is freezing!!  The rest of your body is in a stage of bahamas-like temperature rise to adapt to the shock but your arm is in Antarctica.  Come back, arm!  Come back!  You truly believe this is the worst thing that could ever happen.  You weep, because you feel that seperated from the rest of humanity.  How could anyone ever understand the pain!  You arm continues to freeze, and you lament your fate.

Part 4.  The Bit Where it Goes all Hot. You’ve never been so wrong in your life.  The cold bit wasn’t that bad at all.  The pain accompained by the hot bit makes you nostalgic for the bit where it went all cold.  “Remember when you were all cold?”  You say to your elbow, “Those were some good times.  Heady days, heady days.”  And you weep, because you wished them away.  How could you know what was coming?  You wish for the simple days when your arm was just freezing cold and painful.

Part 5.  The Bit Where it Throbs. Now it’s no temperature at all.  You’ve been through the worst part.  It’s just throbbing.  You and your little buddy are going to be okay.  You think about that time you saw a girl in an exam hit her elbow and have to silently go mental.  That was funny at the time, but now you know that elbow-karma has been waiting to get you for laughing at her. You decide to never laugh at anyone again…just in case.

Part 6.  The Bit Where It’s Better Again.  You’ve laughed, you’ve cried.  You’ve shared a moment with your doorframe.  But you’ll never truly be the same.  You know that at any moment, it could all just happen again.  A dark cloud forms over you, and you wonder how you’ll go on with that kind of threat looming.

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1 Comment so far
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Blimey, I need to hit my elbow like that, I’ve been doing it wrong for all these years!

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Comment by Fen




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