Only God Knows Why

My Life: The Indie Dramedy
December 3, 2010, 2:35 am
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Apparently 75% of Americans believe that their life is interesting enough to feature in a reality television show. At first glance, you’d think that 75% of Americans are really quite up themselves, but the more I think about it, the more I realise how life is crazy (Candy, baby).

I’m quite often late to work, I’m complaining that I’m tired, or that I’m feeling a little behind the eight ball. I think if you have an employee showing up late every week, it’s hard to go on believing that stuff is continuously happening. But it really is.

 I know that I really do live an incredibly privileged, perfect life, but sometimes it really does seem ridiculous.  And it never hurt anyone to have a little sook.  So if I were a baseballer, here would be the stats of the last week in my life:

1. My beautiful, waist-high vintage pinstripe skirt unravels at the seam up to my waist while I’m on the train. I have to walk, pantless, through Melbourne Central Train station at peak hour to buy a new one so I can go to work.

 As my skirt slowly unravels, I send a series of more desperate sounding text messages to my manager (fortunately, this work is on a volunteer basis):

 “Do we have any safety pins at work?”

 “ we have a sewing kit at work?”

“It was either going to be show up to work late or naked, and I chose late. You’ll thank me later.”

All my father had to say about this occurence was, “It pays to advertise.”

2. A very good friend of mine ends up in hospital incredibly unwell.

That’s all I have to say about that. She’s fantastic, and she’s not well, and it’s horrible.

 3. While staying the night with said friend at the hospital, I pass out. When I come to, they spinal board me down to the emergency department with possible spinal injuries from the fall.

 And then I need to pee. Which, they tell me, will take 5 people rolling me on and off a bed pan. I decide to hold it. For four hours, during which time, all I can do is stare at the ceiling. Ladies and Gentlemen, for my next invention, I plan a book that can be projected onto hospital rooves.

4. I meet (the day of aforementioned spinal boarding) and receive a lovely rejection text (four days later) from a boy

5. The weather is so that I concurrently have a sunburn, and my house floods.

6. My mother returns from New Zealand, complains about all the work I didn’t do around the house (where I don’t actually live, but have been dropping by to do my Grandma’s grocery shopping) and finds my ipod which was lost a year ago.  She calls to ask me if she can keep it, the first time I have heard from her since she left, a month ago.

7. My phone gets stolen on the train.

8. I get a new phone and drop it on the road.  Then a car hits it.

9.  My shoe falls apart while I’m waiting for a train.  Which isn’t coming, because all of the trains on my line have been suspended indefinitely for the rest of the evening.

If I then expand the time frame to two weeks, I can include:

10. My car billowing smoke, and then refusing to ever start again.

11. My final ever honours university exams

12. Finding out a boy from my work has thought, for the past six months, that I’ve been in love with him.

This is quite hilarious, really, as I do like to think of all the times we’ve talked where I’ve felt fine, and he’s felt incredibly awkward.

13. I see someone at a party who I used to be quite good friends with, and they don’t speak to me.

14.  In the space of 14 days, I attend 8 parties.  Go to one of three  jobs (one of which they pay me for, two of which are volunteer) 10 times and drink 16 coffees.  I go to the beach twice, attend concert orchestra twice, go to a protest and watch an entire season of Gossip Girl.

Tell me about your crazy weeks. What are the ridiculous things that happen to you?